As an only girl with eight brothers, Matapo (Mata) Rakanui says she was blessed that her brothers grew up to be loving men who treated their mum, their sister (herself) and their wives and children with love and respect.
It’s something she is extremely proud of considering their upbringing.
“We came from a violent family, my dad was so violent especially when he drank,” she reveals. “He abused my mum physically when we were young.”
Despite this, Mata admits that to them, his children, he was a good father who cared and provided for them on the island of Atiu where Mata was born and raised.
When he drank though, he became someone that she hoped neither she or her brothers would ever be.
“When he had a drink he would beat up my mum,” Mata recalls, “and she would run away trying to hide us away from all the drama.”
Mata says talking about it brings it all back, but it’s important to talk about it. She talks about her childhood, the strength of her mother and the character of her brothers. It was her mother’s ngakau aro’a (generous heart) that held them together.
“I always say my mother was a very tough woman to put up with all of that to look after us, to love us,” says Mata. “And I praise the Lord that my brothers weren’t like our father.”
“They grew up in a different way, grew up to be loving,” as sons and brothers in their family before becoming loving husbands to their wives, “growing in love rather than hatred.”
When Mata married her first husband and had children she had to find her own strength to leave, when he became abusive. And if that wasn’t enough, when she eventually married her second husband – she quickly discovered that he too was abusive.
For the sake of her babies, Mata walked away from both marriages.
“Probably over 30 years I’ve been single now – I brought up my children myself,” says Mata. “I walked away and took them with me, left my first husband because he verbally and physically abused me and when I married again the same thing happened so I left him too.”
Mata says we should be treasured, not abused.
“I believe that my body is not to be physically abused but to be treasured, as a good mother, person and leader. That’s why I had to get out, the swearing, the physical abuse – I didn’t want my children to grow up with that.”
Each moment she decided to leave the abusive relationship was difficult but she pushed through.
“I had my children and they were only little,” she explains, “I never want[ed] them to grow up seeing violence – nevertheless they did until I walked out and took them away from it,” says Mata.
“To this day my children have never sworn at me, they have a lot of respect and they have a lot of love.”
Turanga Māori has only strengthened Mata’s belief that she did the right thing.
“This course has really improved and built up a lot of courage inside of me. Turanga Māori needs to get out to our young people, to our gatherings and our communities.”
“We need to discuss this with other leaders so we can share it with our families and communities. I believe that by going out there and practicing the Turanga Māori framework, we can help reduce violence in our communities.”